Some Heretical Thoughts about the War on Terror

Osama bin Laden is actually rather sweet, isn't he? He just wants us all to be happy. Of course, in his mind being happy equates to embracing a dark-ages creed and destroying Western civilisation, but in comparison with some of the fulminating Islamist radicals Osama's really a moderate. You don't see him calling for the death of the pope. And he looked rather fetching in that neat new beard of his.

As for the Islamists generally, they probably just don't get enough sex. Yes, I know most of them can demand on-tap intercourse from submissive wives trained from birth to do their bidding, but it's likely to be their cousin and, in any case, they probably wear those veils for a reason. And, of course, the more radical sort of Muslim is usually a repressed homosexual.

Ah yes, the great unmentionable: Homosexuality and Islam. Isn't the reason that most Islamicising regimes, like the Taliban, are so down on gays something to do with the fact that the left-hand path has always enjoyed a more than average prevalence amongst the sons of the Prophet? Not that old Mo was a djellebah-lifter himself, you understand. He was as hetero as they come, even if his tastes did run to little girls. Still, the fact is that, historically, Muslim societies have often been damn sight more gay-friendly than Christian ones. A hundred years ago gay men threatened with Oscar-style exposure often used to hop it to Morocco or Istanbul and shack up with a pleasant looking dusky youth. And as for Turkish baths...

No women equals lots of gay sex. Ask any ex-convict. It was the same in ancient Athens, where respectable women stayed at home and unrespectable ones tended to be slaves. But the Athenians managed to cope psychologically because they didn't have this religion telling them to stone each other to death.

No wonder they're so consumed with self-pity. No wonder they want to bomb us.

Give them all some therapy.


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